Saturday, August 16, 2014

Communication is key, or, "I also get laid more" ;)

I talk about my relationships at work pretty openly, everyone knows I'm poly and regardless of what they think of the CONCEPT, they all know that it works for me and that I'm very happy. The smile I can't seem to wipe off my face tells more a story of my life than I ever could with words. Yet here I am trying anyhow.

I met and fell in love with my husband going on 20 years ago. At the time I was unknowingly and in that very young and confused person way, madly, truly, and deeply in love with a friend of mine who I was also sleeping with. She loved me too, somehow, but at that age (15 or so) we had no idea the emotions we were swimming in. When R and I got together, there was never even a conversation about non-monogamy. We were 15 and in love and he didn't mind that I had this other girl I loved around. It wasn't just her either, there were other girls, confused girls I'd kiss in the dark. He never did mind.

When I moved away at age 18, I was doing a lot of research about all different religions when I stumbled on a liberal christian website, ( ) It discussed Polyamory. At the time I was chat friends and phone chat friends with some guys who I found I truly cared about and I didn't get why I couldn't be with other men like I could with women, what was the difference? Nothing was going to change how I felt about R. So...I brought the idea up to him. He agreed to open it all the way.

My current polycule looks a little like this:

I am in love and in a committed relationship with R, K and B. I have two other men that I play with, J and D. one that I've been friends with for years, J, but we are kind of like bros though, the other, D, I feel like on some level I do love him. I miss him when we're apart for awhile, and when we're together I get the warm fuzzies. We send each other kisses and hugs and love online when we're apart, but I think we are both pretty polysaturated and know that there's just no room for additional partners with more of an investment than we're willing to give at this point. That's fine, we have what we have, and that's okay.

So, at work, people keep telling me how it all seems so COMPLICATED> and there are so many CONVERSATIONS....ALL OF THE TIME...WITH ALL OF THE PEOPLE.

I must say, it's a little disappointing to me that I am capable of multiple relationships with various levels of commitment, which of course, like ALL relationships, take effort, and the monogamous people I spend most of my time with don't seem to see the value in all of this communication. Maybe if more mono minded people put as much effort into their ONE other partner as I put into my multiple partners, they would be walking around with big smiles on their faces too. This came out sounding WAY more superior than I meant it to, but it is what I honestly think so I'm leaving it out there.

Sure, there are fights, but...there is so much love here, and with that love comes trust, honesty and transparency through communication. I feel all committed individuals, mono, poly, or otherwise identified, should have at the very least, those three things in their relationship toolbox.


*~*~*Slutty Heart*~*~*