Wolfgun-Dawn

So far everything is worked out with W's new interest. We had some decent bumps in the beginning but, here we are. They are on a date, and I'm doing okay. Previously I was in the middle of some mental health struggles and it was the exact wrong time to start introducing his first new partner in a year. BUT, I pushed for them to do what they wanted because I felt wrong saying, "I'm unwell, can we hold off on adding new partners until my meds are straight?" (I have now been told to do just that in the future by W.) So, I suppose I could have handled all of that better.

Now that my meds are straight and I'm feeling okay, I get only the slightest tightness in my chest, like anxiety, when he leaves me to be with her. This is our first time with him dating anyone else since he left his wife. I am certain soon enough that will turn to compersion cuz that's just who I am.  I trust him, but even though she and I have been friends for 15 years, I've never been in a relationship/relationship adjacent to her before. I don't know how she handles things, especially in a poly setting, as she's a little newish to it.  So, I told him, nothing will change my fears except time and experience, and I'm willing to wait for both.

Now, on to the important stuff. W and I have a song!!!!!! There is this song we like, and he put it on a playlist he's making me out of all the songs I like that he plays when we are out driving. But, this song came on last night. The beginning is so dreamy. Anyhow, when it came on, I was looking at him, and I was about to say "Hey, turn it up," but I didn't get the chance, because he was already turning it up. and it was just such a sweet moment and we just sat there in silence. I smiled and said, "This is our song" I'm sure that maybe it seemed super meaningful because I was stoned, but there was something about the way the streetlights were catching the light in his eyes in that moment....

*Watch our lives drift away, they burn out quietly.*

*~*~*Slutty Heart*~*~*

Reason # 4637848 Polyamory is awesome

About two months ago I had, what seemed like maybe a sinus infection that was annoying enough to make me feel tired and run down, but not out of it enough to go to the doc. Then I got laryngitis and some chest congestion, again, I did not go to the Dr.

Yesterday around 10 a.m I started to have chest pains on inhalation on my right side. My boyfriend W had errands to run but offered to take me to the ER. I did not want to be a burden, "It's the ER, I will be there all day." I told him to run his errands. Then I went to make an appointment with my PCP but was on hold for so long I gave up. Then I considered Med Express, but for some reason, it charges me 200$ (er visit fee) for  Med Express, and I figured they might want to run tests that can't be run there. So they may refer me to the ER anyhow, another 200$. (I'm not going to get into the sad state of health care here in the US) W told me to go. So, I let him take me. My husband, R is at work, and W happened to have his moms car that day, so if it had to happen, it was a good day for it.

While being checked in, they asked about my emergency contacts. They had R listed, and I asked if they could add  W. They asked what the relationship was and I said "boyfriend"  The check-in lady, sweet as can be said to me "Oh do you want me to take R off of here?" And I said no. She looked at me funny. I said, "We have an open relationship, it's fine." She looked at me and said, "I have a question,  is it fun?"

"Ha! Yes," I replied, "I have lots of love in my life."

After having a CT scan, they said I had 'substantial pneumonia.' They said two of my three lobes in my lungs were infected and that I could go home, but I would end up back in the er the next day. They wanted to keep me maybe 2-3 days on an iv drip to get rid of it.

By the time we figured everything out six hours later, R had finished work, so he packed a bag and brought it to me. I was a little worried about all this, missing work, etc. But, both R and  W came to visit me and bring my bag upstairs when I went to my room. Then they each sat with me for a few hours, and we talked, laughed, it was an excellent stress relief.  My comet partner is going to pick me up tomorrow, and my girlfriend was unable to visit but has been chatting with me to check in.. I'm glad I have so much love and support in my life.  Early this morning W came to visit, and R is coming later.

I'm grateful  W nagged me just to come. I'm glad R was home so that he could easily bring me some stuff.  I feel so loved and protected by my polycule. It is fantastic when all these people love and care about you.  I never really had that growing up, and it makes me appreciate it so much more as an adult.

As I've said in past blog posts, my mom always said I was poly because I was trying to recreate a better family life than what I had as a child. Maybe she's right, but anyhow, the whole "it takes a village" isn't just for kids. Everyone should be so lucky to have all this love in their life. I am glad, even sitting here in this hospital bed, that I am so loved, and it's excellent. :)

*~*~*Slutty Heart*~*~*