*note*: I wrote this for k the night she left for the hospital:
Land of Nod
How desperately I want to sleep it all away,
her pain and desperation,
my own fears,
to allow myself to be carried to a dream
with she and I,
where we aren't both ravaged by mental illness,
and she is happy and beautiful and her smile infects me,
and together we don't need strict daily regiments
or mood stabilizers,
we only need each other and all of our loves.
Our loves wish happiness and tranquility upon us
but at times our minds can be bricked with an insanity infinite layers deep
and nothing seems to reach.
She seems so far away.
I seem so far away,
here, being well, watching her struggle with her own demons,
all she wants is a moment to let them out.
To succumb to all the crazy lacing her days.
I can give her that, that moment of pure insanity.
I can let the men in the little white suits come and take her away,
where she can finally exhale,
it's almost like peace...for a moment.
Too long of a moment,
and it becomes the rain cloud that follows you
step for aching step,
and it becomes every waking moment of every crazy day.
They will poison the madness away with pills and smooth away
the jagged edges of insanity with therapy,
and one day,
one day she will be happy and beautiful and her smile will infect me.
Until then, I will escape her pain through sleep,
and I will sleep to dream of her meeting me in the land of nod,
her lips on mine,
kissing away my fears.